When my brother house-sat for me: A Gumtree ad.

So here is how I came to own this couch that I don’t even like sitting on, because sitting on it is an endorsement of a wilful stupidity too enormous for me to comprehend:

I have just returned home from some contract work overseas for a few months and in the meantime I had asked my brother to house sit for me. For some reason, in my absence — despite my very apparent aesthetic tastes and total distaste for owning an excessive number of things (particularly furniture) — my brother bought this fold out couch. On my return he expected me to be grateful and delighted that there was this big old hulk of useless furniture in my front room that I never wanted or needed. Needless to say, but I’m going to say it anyway: I was not grateful and delighted.

He claims he bought it because he “needed somewhere to sit down” when he put his shoes on, despite there being a perfectly adequate chair in that front room and the fact that I have never, in my two years of living here, required/desired/expressed idle interest in having a whole other couch for the sole purpose of putting on my shoes.

So, here we are.

Now I have to get the goddamn thing out of here before I try to burn it.

The couch is in working order. It has a nick in the corner but it is easy to flatten and pull up again. It is perfectly fine, just not to my tastes.

If you are the person who responded the last time I tried to sell this, claimed you’d just transferred the money to me but apparently hadn’t and then never responded to my text message, you get this couch for the special price of $88.85, cash only. You’ll have to pay with exact cash because I won’t have change.

But everyone else gets it for the listed price.