A letter to the people I work with:

On 19 Mar 2015, at 5:23 pm, Celina Siriyos <E-MAIL ADDRESS REDACTED BECAUSE I GET ENOUGH SPAM THANKS> wrote:

Dear HQ,

In a devastating blow to my lunch plans for the week: my lunchbox went missing today.


  • I hand washed it and put it in the drying rack circa midday.
  • It has since been abducted.

It is, admittedly, a very generic container – a Décor 900ml rectangular clear plastic thing of absolutely no distinctiveness. It is very possible you, dear colleague, own the exact same container and have mixed it up with mine. However this loss is highly distressing to me because:

  1. I have compartments that fit into this exact container and won’t fit into other lunchboxes. These compartments are now dead to me. As a result I cannot bring in salad, dip, some sort of bastardised protein and a miscellaneous food item in a single container without it all becoming some sort of unsightly food collage, the likes of which would appear on seminal (maybe only barely SFW) Tumblr, CookSuck.
  2. This is the second time I’ve lost this container to the wilds of this office and I can’t justify buying this lunchbox again.

OBVIOUSLY if I was a creature of sagacity and prudence I would have written my name on it after the first time — but I am afraid this has not been the case.

If you have mistakenly taken it could you please (please!) return it to the kitchen where I can retrieve it in a peaceful manner, and we never have to speak of this incident ever again.

Yours sincerely,